I am here. I am now. I´m ok.
Three simple statements—three simple X´s on my inner map of self—that I can reorient towards at any given moment. A daily meditation, a mantra, a prayer whenever I feel lost, and a lifeline when overwhelm hits.
It’s not a golden solution for any given situation but something to always come home to and realign with. Move forward from with a solid step.
When I recently had a nervous breakdown, after a ghastly conflict with Marita and a pretty intense clash with a stranger at maybe Germany´s most stressful place (Hannover main station, a crossing at the very center of the country), these simple X´s didn´t help. I called a good friend and he was just… there. On the phone. Right there on the platform where I couldn´t stop shaking. Couldn´t breathe. Co-regulating my nervous system. Letting me know that I´m here. Just being present with his heart and his wit. His humor and authenticity. Giving me the first of these three x´s.
Writing this I feel so grateful for that moment. For him. Reachable. Helping me know that I am. And that I am not alone. What a blessing to find the light in a dark place. Makes me almost appreciate all that happened before that led to it.
We can only get so far on our own. We are social creatures. But we are also one giant planet-sized organism hurtling through space and therefore just need to interact to actually get that we exist. We need to be with. To come home with someone. At least from time to time.
If we can´t find that anymore we got a big problem on our hands.
Then again looking around and walking through this world i rarely see someone here, now and okay. Most are just somewhere else, tomorrow or yesterday and just numb.
How did we get here? When did we lose ourself and our connectivity so damn much?
Anywhere you look: people that are not really there, arguing about problems they can´t even sit and just be with for a second. Constantly breaking their brain over meaningless things, keeping busy, just to not feel the underlying fear and desperation.
I find answers in the past. I sense a past way older and better hidden than we can uncover for now. And it makes sense. All the old stories align with one another and lead me right back. To do anything I can to generate presence. And the capacity for actual relation within myself and the people I encounter.
We are far far away from where we need to be for the actual future to manifest. But I finally know my place in this mess. Here. And now. And since I am not living in a war zone, at least not in the physical sense, I can manage to be okay most of the time. 🙂
All the love, all the power.
May freedom reign.